It's been such a long week.

There is so much going on.

I was supposed to get this book proposal out, but I CAN'T EVEN THINK!!

I have been incredible with spending though!! If's funny once you are in a habit of something.

Although I think I changed it to ice cream. I AM EATING ICE CREAM EVERY NIGHT!! I'M ADDICTED!!

But I have moved to the Skinny Cow ice cream cones. They rock!! And I don't feel as guilty.

Anyway....I did buy one thing.....A Timbuk2 commute bag. It is so cute! It's in the moss color. Very cool!! YES, PAID CASH!!

You buy anything recently you just love??

Get Rid of Wrinkles

I am getting this car just so I don't get any more wrinkles!! Beats plastic surgery!!!!

What a poopy week I had. I hope yours was better than mine.

At least I am feeling better. I am so glad it is the weekend and I can forget about things for a couple days.

I am laying across my bed, looking out the window at cars driving by. I love this old victorian building I live in. I adore not having screens on the windows. It feels so open here.

I would love to build a house that is like being outside. Maybe a glass house!! Where the entire house is one big window that I can open!!

PERFECT!!

What is your dream house?

Still Sick

Still sick, but going to go into work today. I hate being sick.

WELL WHO LIKES BEING SICK?!!


I hope you all are feeling good and taking care of yourself.

I watched "Little Miss Sunshine" three times while being sick. I don't know why I like that movie, but I love how the family comes together.

I guess that is why I like it.

If you haven't seen it, you should. Very good.

OK, off to the shower.

Hope you are all doing great!!

I have a terrible cold........bleck.

12 more visits and I will hit the 50,000 mark!!!

WHO WILL IT BE??!!


Yipiee!!!

Can't sleep again....and I want chocolate!!!! Well, I could take a walk and get some as I'm sure there wouldn't be any traffic.

Oh well.

You are getting very sleepy......

Nope. Didnt work.

I need some motivation!

It's 3:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I hate when this happens.

I flew

Just a quick update!

What an unbelievable 7 days!

So amazing.

Ok, so pull up a chair and get your nonfat latte and I will tell you all about the stuff that has happened.....

Let's start with the picture I put on here.

It all started on Sunday.....actually it was Saturday that it really started.

I told my mom I wanted to try flying again. I have been trying for 15 years to be exact. Nothing seemed to change the way I would feel every time I tried. I had resigned myself to the fact that I will never be able to travel.

I have tried everything to get over the fear.

Regular therapy.

Exposure therapy: Where they expose you over and over to the thing that scares you until you aren't afraid of it anymore. I WAS AFRAID OF THE THERAPY!!

Documenting my panic and anxiety: Yeah, that works great......just focus all day on your anxiety level. I was more anxious than ever with that one!

Hypnotherapy: You will not be afraid..... You will not be afraid..... I was afraid as I ran screaming from the office!!

Hypnotherapy: You will come back over and over..... You will come back over and over......

STILL AFRAID!!

Drugs: "Take this pill 30 minutes before you board the plane." "Um...ok." I took the pill 30 minutes before boarding.

THE FLIGHT WAS DELAYED AND I PASSED OUT IN THE WAITING AREA AND WOKE UP TWO HOURS LATER!!

the plane was gone.

MY FEAR STAYED!!

And now I have a permanent suitcase mark on my cheek!! :-)

So, are you getting the picture that I am petrified of travel??

So, yes, resigned to the fact that I would never go anywhere.

This blog has motivated me so much to do things I have been so afraid to do that I thought....hey, if I can get out of debt.....which was the same length of time as my fear of travel, why can't I try to fly too?

So, as most of you already know, I tried to fly a couple months ago. And we all know what happened with that one.

On Saturday I decided that I would give it another go. At least in thought. I asked my mom if she would go with me if I decided to do it.

She said she would.

Don't you just love moms?

I didn't even think about it and fell asleep. I woke up at 6 am Sunday and looked up tickets on Expedia, Cheap Tickets and Travelocity. THE TICKETS WERE $700 A PERSON!!!

I called my mom and said we weren't going.

I was trying to find the shortest flight available. The closest flight was to Reno. It is a 45 minute flight. It is so short in fact that, although I live two miles from the San Francisco Airport, I had to actually drive away to another airport, just to get this flight as it is too close to San Francisco!

I HAD TO DRIVE AWAY TO GET A FLIGHT!! WHO DOES THIS???

Anywho.....

The tickets were too expensive, so I tell her we aren't going and go back to sleep.

I wake up at 8 am and for some reason decide to look at Southwest Airlines for the heck of it.

THE TICKETS WERE ONLY $200 A PERSON!!

OK, I am going to do this!

So I call her and tell her to get ready, we are going at 12:40 pm.

As we are driving down I start to get nervous.

We park at the airport and walk in. It is insane!! People scattering all around and Southwest is no where in sight!

I went up to a man in a read vest. Why are the guys to go to always in red vests?? Valets, Parking Attendants, Red Lobster people??

He said we are at the wrong building. The one we needed to go to was down the road. OK, we can walk there.

WE WALKED FAR! And the only reason I didn't turn and run was the fact that I thought we wouldn't get there in time to make the flight.

We made it.

But they were very unorganized and we had to stand in numerous lines. It was a great distraction from the HORROR TO BE! (at least in my head)

We get to where the plane is and I find that there is no assigned seating. I start to panic.

What if I can't sit next to my mom?

What if I end up in the back and the toilet explodes and I get sucked out of the plane with only a toilet to save me?

And not those normal panics that people have. Mine is like BIG SCARY BANCHY TYPE!

There was a police officer at the front desk. I don't know why. Maybe they had him posted there because there was a picture of me saying DON'T LET THIS GIRL FLY.....SHE DELAYS FLIGHTS!!

I went up to him and asked if I could talk to someone about the flight. He said the girl would be right back.

When she returns I said "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

And I start bawling!

"I'm afraid to fly and wanted to know if there was a way my mom and I could sit together in the front."

There was a pilot that happened to fly with this airline that clearly sees I am losing it. She comes up to me (Hi Hillary!) and says she could sit next to me and explain everything. She was flying home from visiting her parents.

I realize then that I am actually going to do this.

After some positive self talk, I said , "Yes, Please."

Not only did she sit with us, but we got to board the plane first and sit right behind the cockpit!

Not that I noticed so much......

When we walked to the plane, all I saw was a CAPSULE OF DEATH!!

I get on it and I am shaking and crying like crazy. I couldn't stop shaking.

We sit down and I put my seat belt on.

"Hillary, why do we have to even wear seat belts? No one ever survives plane crashes." I say in my most official, I know what I am talking about voice.

Hillary replied "People survive all the time."

Then she introduced me to the pilots.

"You are going to fly this? Please be careful. I am so scared. Please fly safe....don't speed."

"You will be just fine."

"Do you promise?"

"Yes."

Ok, then.

Then I turn to Hillary, "Great, NOW I JUST STRESSED OUT THE PILOT!"

She explains how they will push us back with some car thing, and then the engines will start. We will go to the runway.

When all this starts, I get scared.

I was crying the whole time.

This amazing woman sitting to the right of us (Hi Cindy!) gives me some advice that changed everything.

She said "Nothing will happen."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Do you believe in God?"

"Yes."

"Well, God isn't finished with me yet, so you will be fine!"

I started laughing and realize that she is right. And I started to believe everything would be ok.

It was a scary experience for me, but I was doing it.

The flight attendants were incredible!

They not only made me feel safer, but they made me a goodie bag, complete with a certificate they all signed.

I will update this with a picture later.

We landed, which scared the crap out of me. Not really, no crap went anywhere, but I was freaked out. SO SCARED. But I DID IT.

When we were getting off the plane, the pilots came out of their little closet and I gave them a huge hug!

"Thank you so much! You did great!"

"So did you!"

We get off and I practically rolled around on the floor! LAND!!

We never left the airport.

We played some slot machines. That was my whole goal to put a quarter in the slot machine. Yeah.....they don't use coins anymore! Really took away the excitement of the whole thing.

BUT I WON 22 BUCKS!!

We go to get on the next flight back, and they were even more wonderful.

Oh, I forgot to mention.....On the way there I had my eyes closed almost the whole time!

On the way back, I decided I need to really "experience" it. So we get on the plane and I see the pilots (the picture from the last post I did) I told them how I was so scared of flying and Scott and his co-pilot make me feel so safe. I couldn't believe it. I was going to be ok.

We take off and I actually watch as we do it.

I then met the incredible flight attendant.

She was so wonderful. Doesn't she look like sunshine!!

She was afraid to fly too and now she is going to flight school to be a pilot!!

She took this picture for me.....

We land and the pilot and co-pilot let me look at the cockpit and take that picture below! I will never forget the incredible people on Southwest.

IT IS THE BEST AIRLINE EVER!!

Not that I have anything to compare it to, but I DO know that there couldn't be anyone more incredible than these people! They were way more effective than any therapist I ever saw!!

So, that is my trip.

Also, thanks so much to Karyn who helped me not fear and get my stupid scared butt on this plane. Ok, I still feared, but I GOT ON THE PLANE AND DIDN'T EVEN DELAY THE FLIGHT!!

OH, and after the flight the flight attendant got on the PA system and told THE ENTIRE PLANE it was my first flight in 15 years and that I was petrified of flying and that I did great. They all cheered and clapped. It was a surreal experience.

There really are incredible people in the world. Really incredible people.

Like all of you. Without you, I would be doing none of this.

What I learned from this?

You can do anything at all you want.

If you want to do something......you go for it. PERIOD.

And absolutely NEVER EVER give up. Never.

More has happened than I can ever believe possible.



I will update more tonight as I will finally have time, but until then, here is just a hint of some of what I have been doing.

Forget the fact that I look like I do.....I had been crying and shaking more than a newborn for quite some time....but ALL FINE FROM NOW ON!!!

KICK BUTT LEIGHANN, AFTER 15 YEARS!!

WHERE THE HECK IS MY REMOTE!!

Shoot! I have to actually walk the three feet to the tv. THIS IS JUST WRONG!!


Anyone else lose their remote? How can you lose something like that??


WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update: It was in a storage box. WTF!! Storage? I just used it the day before!! I must be stressed....have you ever put something in a weird place, like your shoes in the kitchen cupboard or your keys in the freezer? PLEASE SAY YES!!